Gnash at the Beach- Junk Files: Piranha Sharks

It’s the end of Sharknado week. Sharknado: The Last One premieres tonight on Syfy and I’m winding down my features on sharks with a movie that I really enjoy. Piranha Sharks features cameos by Al Snow (ECW, WWE, TNA) and future wrestling personality Jose Canseco, a former major league baseball player, who recently signed with World Class Revolution Pro Wrestling.


Piranha Sharks poster.jpg

Piranha sharks is set during the holiday season where bio engineered sharks to be used as weapons are a total failure. They are too erratic and end up eating a lab technician from the inside out. A couple of jamokes suggest to the head of the company that they market them like sea monkeys. Naturally everything goes tits up when people start buying these pets since you know, “People love sharks.”


Piranha Sharks Logo.jpg

This movie is a blast to watch. The characters are likable and it really works as a fun slice of dark humor centered around miniature freaking sharks. The exterminators that are the main focus of the film have some really fun dialogue with each other and you really do care about their lives. Kevin Sorbo plays the constantly pantsless mayor of Manhattan. Al Snow plays the creator of piranha sharks, an anthrophobe, who is scared to death of people. For someone with so few lines, he surely adds to the film, with his spastic outbursts and petting of plants. Jose Canseco plays himself, he is a spokesperson for piranha sharks. They are his babies and they saved his marriage. The CGI isn’t horrible and the practical effects of the piranha sharks when they are dissected and used in closeups are great. I really like the look of them. Although not super heavy on the gore when the mayhem begins it doesn’t let up very often. This is a fun movie that I’m sure most people who love B-Movies will enjoy. It’s a step above most of the stuff you see on SyFy. Unfortunately it never had a DVD release in the United States as far as I know. There is a German DVD with the actual title of Piranha Sharks and a release from the United Kingdom under the title Jurassic Piranha. It is available to stream on Amazon Video if you want to watch it. I definitely recommend this film. Piranha Shark

Al Snow Dr. Parson

Al Snow as Dr. Parsons

Parsons Background

Jose Canseco

Jose Canseco in deep contemplative thought about his beloved piranha sharks

Gnash at the Beach: Mako Jaws of Death

We’re throwing it back today to 1976 with Mako Jaws of Death. Mako stars Harold Sakata most known as Odd Job from the Bond movie Goldfinger. Harold was also a professional wrestler from 1950-1975 billed under the name of Tosh Togo. The native Hawaiian  played a part in bringing professional wrestling to Japan after the second world war.


Mako Jaws

Mako Jaws of Death is quite the odd movie, it’s a shark attack movie in a different vein than most of the public is used to. It is about a loner named Sonny Stein who has a deep connection with sharks. Sonny loves sharks, he goes after everyone who mistreats sharks by attacking them and throwing them to the sharks. A strange medallion he wears around his neck was given to him by a priest of the shark god after he escapes through a Filipino inlet while doing salvage in the south seas. Mako moves slowly, sometimes even painfully slow but I enjoyed it. In the movie the sharks are sympathetic instead of being a menace terrorizing anyone who dares enter the water. Man is mistreating sharks and Sonny Stein armed with his medallion is here to avenge the wrong doings against shark kind.


Harold Sakata plays Pete in the movie, a drunken shark hunter. Pete along with his friend, Charlie torment Stein every chance they get. Harold does a fine job playing the physically imposing shark hunter and though his lines are hard to understand in the film, his body language and physicality are top notch in the film. There are a few other unsavory characters in the film including a scientist, a bar owner, and his wife. Stein seems to be just misunderstood at first but we see that he is deeply disturbed throughout the movie. The movie as a whole although not an action packed film is still satisfying. A man with a psychic connection to sharks is an interesting and original premise for a film and it didn’t disappoint me.

If you’re a fan of 70’s movies, shark movies, or oddities this is a film for you. If you don’t go in expecting something along the lines of more modern shark attack movies you may really enjoy it. The film is also unique in that it doesn’t employ animatronic sharks but instead uses real sharks who are actually in the water with actors at times. It’s worth a view for that alone. Check it out not only for the late Sakata’s performance of Pete but also the novelty of real sharks being showcased and filmed.

Harold Sakata

Left: Harold Sakata as Pete

SakataHaroldHarold revelrySakata RifleSakata boat

Gnash at the Beach: Shark Exorcist

If you’re picking up a movie called Shark Exorcist, you pretty much know what you’re in for. You’re not here for high brow entertainment, you’re down in the gutter, ready for a good time with the expectation to be asking yourself, “What the hell?”. That’s exactly what you’ll get watching Donald Farmer’s crazier than a bed bug movie Shark Exorcist.


Shark Exorcist is about a lake in Tennesse plagued by a demonic shark, summoned by a satanic nun. It attacks a girl visiting with her friends and all hell breaks loose. Shark Exorcist stars Roni Jonah, an OVW alumni and at one point the Miz’ onscreen girl friend. Roni Jonah wrestled for a short time but has made a splash in her acting roles. She is in the upcoming movie Powerbomb which I have written about in prior posts. I can’t wait for that film. Roni plays a paranormal investigator, Nancy Chase who is on a tv show called Ghost Whackers. She is on scene at the lake to communicate with the spirits of the victims of the shark attack but in doing so she is possessed by the demon shark. Although she is not the central focus of the film, the focus being the group of friends who visit the lake, namely Ali the girl attacked and possessed, she certainly brings the movie a bit of comedic relief and brightness. Shark Exorcist is largely a mess but boy, what a mess it is! It will certainly not be everyone’s cup of tea but I enjoyed it for what it was. The exorcism parts with a priest played by Bobby Kerecz who also portrays his brother in the film seem like a different movie but it still works. I would have liked for it to be more seamlessly integrated into the film and have a more prominent role than it ends up having, however. Apart from the low quality of the demon shark and the way the actors portray being dragged under by it, the effects are good. It’s largely lots of blood and vomit but there is also a toothy bit of makeup later in the film. The movie is pretty short at 70 or so minutes but 20 minutes of it is what appears to be an extended shoe horned after credit scene. If you like bottom of the barrel straight to video fare I hope you get the chance to see this. It’s no masterpiece but it satisfied me as a viewer. Be sure to follow Roni Jonah on twitter to keep up with her upcoming roles and grab a few brews, take a couple shots and sit down to experience Shark Exorcist, it’s gonna be one hell of a time.

Ghost Whackers Shark ExorcistRoni Jonah Shark exorcistnancy-chase-shark-exorcist.jpgCommunicating with the spiritsNancy Chase possessedA DEMONJonah SharkPossessed Nancy

Gnash at the Beach: Sand Sharks

Today marks the beginning of what will most likely the last Sharknado week on the SyFy channel. It’s a week I sometimes painfully look forward to as it has become somewhat a tradition to get trashed and watch the newest Sharknado in hopes a wrestler will cameo. You may remember my Drunknado articles where I covered some of the Sharknado films that star wrestlers. Today I continue my voyage into open waters with a few other shark films that star professional wrestlers and wrestling personalities.

The Sharknado franchise may seem like the movies that took the gimmicky shark movies to it’s peak popularity or dare I say infamy but there were a slew of gimmick ridden shark attack movies before it both on cable tv and direct to video releases. Sand Sharks is one of those. It is from 2011 and stars Brooke Hogan, Hulk Hogan’s daughter. Brooke was involved in Total Non Stop Action Wrestling as the head of the Knockouts division in 2012-2013.

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The movie is about a beach town, White Sands, that is on a bit of down swing economically. The mayor’s son Jimmy Green is back in town and ready to bring a little prosperity to the town with a spring break Sandman Festival but first he needs his dad to loan him a bit of money. However, something odd is happening at the beach, with people being eaten. At first it seems like just an ordinary shark attack to the cops but it soon becomes apparent that the sharks are actually swimming in the sand and not the water. Brooke Hogan plays Dr. Sandy Powers, a marine specialist. She does a fairly good job at portraying this role, although sometimes her line delivery is a bit odd. There is a bit where she calls the sheriff Roger Corman which made me chuckle like an idiot. The CGI isn’t top notch but it looks decent. The practical effects when used are great, especially the shark bits and pieces. The kills are fun and the movie has some fun action pieces. As far as B movies go you could do a lot worse than sitting down to watch Sand Sharks. If you’re a fan of Brooke Hogan I think you will love this film because it is her first non cameo role in a movie. It didn’t have the greatest budget so some of the party scenes look a bit sparse but it works. All in all a fun little movie. If you have Amazon Prime it is included as part of Prime Video so if you’re in the mood to have some mindless fun for 90 minutes check it out.

Hogan Sand SharksHogan Sharks 2Brooke Sand SharksBrooke sharksBrooke hoganHogan and Sherrif

Terror in the Pharaoh’s Tomb; A Goodbye

On July 29, 2018 we lost Josip Hrvoje Peruzović better known as Nikolai Volkoff of WWE fame. It was a hard loss for me not because I knew him personally but because when I was first getting into professional wrestling I signed up for the WWE Network and watched nothing but WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event. I instantly was in awe of this man who belted out the Soviet Union’s national anthem, a culture I had been fascinated by for many years. Although he was a heel I still related to the proud Russian portrayal by Josip. I never met him even though I had wanted to very much to tell him that he helped a 20 some year old through some difficult times. I watched the network on a laptop perched on the foot of my bed and it was always a delight to see him wrestle. It is with a profound sadness that I say,  “пока старый друг.” In a while old friend. I feel the best way to honor him is by reviewing one of his few on screen appearances, Terror in the Pharoah’s Tomb.

Terror in the Pharaoh’s Tomb is an interesting film. It is in B&W and interspersed with footage from movies starring Bela Lugosi, Peter Lorre, and Lon Chaney. It revolves around an expedition in Egypt and a marriage postponed. The expedition finds a tomb and opens it only to release a mummy and a queen who longs for power and revenge. It was largely shot in front of what I believe to be blue screen. At times it works well but it largely fell flat for me. Apart from some ham fisted acting from most of the actors and actresses on screen the thing that bothered me most was the use of what I believe to be air soft guns wildly out of period for the time frame the movie is portraying, the 1930’s.

I actually felt that the scene that Nikolai Volkoff is in was probably the strongest portion of the film. I felt that it was not only the best shot but also the most competently acted of the film. You may enjoy this film if you are a fan of B&W film or the preservation of film. Otherwise it is largely a pass in my opinion unless like me you feel the need to seek it out for Nikolai’s involvement in the movie. It also stars Nikita Breznikov, a manager from the Baltimore scene who worked with Volkoff on local shows.


Brezhnikov and Volkoff

Volkoff: Far left in what appears to be part of his WWF ring attire and Breznikov; Far right

Volkoff terrorTerror in the pharoahsVolkoffNIkita